Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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