last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
