Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
