I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
