I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
