Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.