WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees