My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
