omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
