I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
