apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
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If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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