based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You smell like stripper and shame
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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