Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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