I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
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If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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