I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
