You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
