it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
