I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
