If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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