everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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