How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
