Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
