He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
