I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
