hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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