nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
