I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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