Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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