Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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