We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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