There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
