And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
