Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
