I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
