I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
