so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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