Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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