I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
