tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
