haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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