I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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