I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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