The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
