I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
