I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the condom got lost in my hair
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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