He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
