were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
