We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
