The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
