Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
