he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
