Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
