It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
