We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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