I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
