i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
