so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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