I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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