My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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