i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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