my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
