good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
that's an acceptable place to lick
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
