what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
