I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
