Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
