I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Randomize
