I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
