So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she told me i tasted like america
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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