I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
