Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
