the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
