i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
