I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
