hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
