i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
