At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
