apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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