it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
