Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
