eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
