What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
