when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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