it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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